New Year’s Resolutions I Wish They Would Make

As we begin the 2017 tennis season, here a few resolutions I wish the players and tennis community would make.

Nick Kyrgios – I resolve to get my s*#@ together this year. I am way too awesome of a tennis talent to waste it on a poor attitude and weak effort. I mean, seriously….I could win a major this year if I put in the time.

Jack Sock – I resolve to shave off my chin strap beard. It is weird and totally unnecessary. Think about how much better I would be if I spent more time practicing and less time trimming that thing.

Milos Raonic – I resolve to relax and have fun. I’m talented and skilled on the court, and I finally got rid of that ridiculous compression sleeve. It’s time to loosen up and enjoy the game.

Nike – I resolve to change the color palette of the outfits I make the players wear. For the love of all things right in this world, I will…I promise. They’ve suffered enough.

John Isner – I resolve to learn how to close out sets earlier and more efficiently. There is no reason to have to go to a tie break every single freaking match. Haven’t I learned from my Wimbledon experience? (and many other matches, for that matter)

Andre Agassi – I resolve to become a commentator for ESPN. (Pleeeeaassse) John McEnroe, we all love you, you know we do. But it’s time to scoot over and let the rest of us have a shot. My fans want to know what I have to say.

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